Crazy in love? Or crazy?

It's just something i have to do, i need to cope and move on with life again. I need to forget you and realize that without you i'm happy. I have a boyfriend and you were mine once a upon a time ago, then you hurt me for 4 months straight and you didnt even care did you? I guess i'm just trying to still heal but everytime i see you its like another hole gets ripped in my heart. So much anger floods me that my adrenaline just sky rockets and i can't even move my own feet. I can barely talk. Now so much is going on and it just makes it that much eaiser to think about you!

You lied to me so many times and stupidly i defended you, i loved you and cared about you but instead you just ripped my heart into pieces. I trusted you and what do i get in return? You didnt even really care about me did you? Did you know that i would hurt this bad? Did you plan on it?! He thinks i'm still in love with you and you know what i am! i can't stand that he's right about you! You never understood, you never will.... so why do i torture myself with this everyday and every night!

You were my world at one point and things changed, you changed or i finally woke up and realized that you were bad news. Maybe i need closure and every song i dont care how cliche it sounds but its true! i hear certain songs and i'm trapped and bound to them tourtring myself by listening to them over and over because it makes me think about how much you hurt me! It reminds that everything i've ever thought was true! I loved you and you said you loved me to but did you even really know me? Or am i just crazy?

Help

I'm calling out to the best of my ability and i keep calling out silently pleading and begging for someone to relieve me of this pain!! I just want it to vanish into thin air and to have never existed in the first place. I'm calling i'm crying out but no one ever listens its only when i'm in solitude and have given up that someone decides its time to wake and talk to me! Where is everyone when i'm crying out for help? Do they intentionally shun me? Where are you when i need help i'm so alone right now i'm crying out..... so why can't i feel you?

Why?

It's like i dont even know you anymore from when i can first remember you, you never acted like this. You were different and now as i look back on 18 years of this i'm amazed we've come this far.... were we ever really close or did imagine things from the very beginning? Its like one minute your in our lives and the next your gone... sometimes i wonder what goes on in your head. I worry about you but of course i cant tell you that.

I will say though that you are stupid, smoking and dipping isn't how we were raised and you know that. All over some girl to. The day you passed out scared the crap out of me and i wanted to just totally skip work but i couldnt and i felt like i failed you somehow even though i know i didnt. Things have changed so much, we're like night and day and yet even though we were raised so much alike after her you changed you havent been the same and quiet frankly it scares me!

Sometimes i wonder what you've done and if its your friends fault! I feel like crying now and i'll feel dumb if i do... so yeah i guess i just wanna say i still love you cause your my brother but all i want to know is why? If she's that important why cant you let her go?!

Exert

I guess it wasn't the first time and it certainly wasn't the last time i would run away from the palace. Yet here i was again on the same dusty road, only this time it was raining. I had just put on an emerald green gown, my tiara was clipped in my belt and i wore a sheath on the inside of my thigh. No one would dare attack me, my cloak a soft velvet and deep purple was pulled around me the hood drawn up. I ran down the muddy hill taking care that my shoes were the only ones to get dirty.

That was when i saw him, waiting for me as he always did. He was tall and his hair was a dark color, a deep brown and his eyes a strange violet color. I gathered my dress up in hands and ran the rest of the way towards him. He wasn't a knight, he wasn't even really human. He was an elf and he took me into his world quiet often. I could never get enough of it, the sight the sounds and the smells all assaulted me at once when he gathered me up in his arms. His lips caught me by surprise, I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him closer.

He pulled back and examined me closely. "The cloak looks amazing on you." He whispered taking the hood down and reaching for my hand.

We walked a minute before the village went in an uproar, apparently my parents had just realized I left again. I looked up at Blade and he looked down at me, "Run." With that we ran down the rest of the hill and towards the safety of the forest.

"Princess! Where are you?" I heard someone shout.

Blade stopped and grabbed my hand, "Princess?"

"Well... umm yeah I should have told you but I..." I stopped and just stared.

The people neared us, he grabbed my by the wrist and half dragged me through the forest to a meadow. He let go of me and walked a few spaces ahead massaging his forehead, i could tell he was angry with me. "Why didn't you tell me this? I could be hurt for being with you or worse! Come to find out now your a princess well that makes things even better! Do you realize my people have fought with your people for centuries? Were in hiding and if i'm seen hanging around with the princess me an elf! Half elf! I could be killed!"

I reached my hand out and dropped it back to my side knowing it was useless. "I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I guess it couldnt get any worse, unless your engaged!" He shouted whiping around to look at me.

I could feel myself blushing and crying all at the same time. "You are arent you?" He swore and turned away from me.

"I dont care about him like i do you! I dont even know him!" I shouted.

I saw him tense, he sprang into action knocking me down on the cold damp earth, "Leave." He said ice dripping from his words, "I dont ever want to see you again." With that he turned on his heel and left me a broken mess.

_____________ Blade______________
"Leaving her was the best thing right?" I looked up at my mentor and best friend i had known since i was born, he was like my brother to me.

Azazeal ran his fingers through his hair, "Do you think it was the best thing?" He asked white streaks showing up as the moon gleamed on him.

"Yes, she'll be safe with someone human..." I said my heart cracked in half at having to utter such words. I loved her and yet i wanted her to be happy, she would forget about me and she would marry the man her parents picked out for her. As for me i would always love her, i would never marry i wasnt a full blooded elf i was a half breed.

"You dont seem to believe that." Azazeal replied picking at his nails, he leaned aganist a tree and stared at me. He knew me and he knew i'd probably end up running back to her and ask for forgiveness in 5....4....3...2....1 with that i dashed off back towards our meeting place, i smelled the air for her scent but found none.

I took to the trees and jumped from one branch to another. As i neared the castle i stopped wondering if she would even want to see me. If someone saw me and they found out i was an elf they would kill me or worse hurt Amaranth. I shook my head clearing the thoughts from my mind. I saw a tree branch and jumped for it, i grabbed it and huled myself up. I looked through the window and saw Amaranth she was sitting on her bed frozen there not moving just sitting there.

I jumped in silently through the window and landed she didnt move an inch, i walked in front of her and her eyes locked in on mine. She had a red hand print on her cheek and her lip was cut and her eye was swelled and forming a bruise. She backed up until her back hit the wall, i held my hands up as a sign of peace.

___________ Amaranth____________
He looked at me really looked at me for the first time. He sat on my bed his hands still up watching me, "Please dont hurt me." I whispered. My future husband the man i was engaged to did this to me i wanted to say but couldnt. My parents knew and they were fine with this, i needed to be a good princess and not run away. If only he knew my bruises were worse than this and that my ribs had cracked and even some had broken.

"What happened?" He asked scooting closer.

It hurt to breathe but i managed and whispered, "Future husband."

He gathered me in his arms and tenderly kissed me, "We're leaving." He picked me up and ran to my window, he jumped out and landed on the ground softly making no noise. I buried my face in the crook of his neck as he took off silently through the forest. It wasnt long until we stopped i looked around we were in a village. His village...

Fresh Start

Rawr didn't think I'd even be here again... hmmm feels nice to be back i guess. I'm mostly gonna write stories my other way of venting and just letting them run loose because if i don't they annoy me and command me to write them down and then nothing ever happens so if some kind wander happens to mosey on over here they can read my stuff and be so kind as to leave comments? And here's a place for all my little minions to run loose and leave me the crap alone and get out of my head! Ok so i guess I'll start now because the minions keep running around and wont leave me alone i do have to rest sometime!!!!

He stared at me and i stared back, we were never going to get anywhere the way we were acting. "Please Ryane just trust me." He whispered reaching his hand out of the dark hooded cloak. I had every reason not to trust him and yet every reason to trust him.

"You promised no one would get hurt... Felix got hurt." I choked out holding the tears and every emotion I'd suppressed since our parents had died. Dark took another step forward as i backed up one.

He whispered sweet words to me how everything would be alright, all i had to do was trust him and i wanted to believe me i did. He held his hand out, i looked down at the busy cars passing by wondering how i had gotten on the railing of the hotel and remembering that i had knocked Saph out when i saw a drunk driver killed Felix and Connor had stayed to help Saph. Dark had ran after me after i bolted myself in mine and Saph's room and ran to the railing... everything after that was a blur.

Tears leaked down my cheeks and i jumped off the railing landing in Dark's arms. He wrapped them around me and cradled me in his lap petting my hair and telling me everything would be alright. I wasn't insane i knew he was real all along and yet they were still after me, my brother was dead and they didn't care they were just obsessed with money and proving that i was insane so i would be locked up forever! I told Dark everything even though he already knew i still told him, Dark i still referred to him as that. Raphael.

My Raphael, i looked up at him and his white hair fell in rivulets around my cheeks and tickled my nose. One eye, he had one eye he could see out of and he used it to watch me silently smoothing his thumb over my cheek murmuring soft words. The other one a milky color that flared red when he was angry was covered by what looked like a white patch, i gently touched it and he closed his good eye. It was gauze. "Why cover it?" I asked.

"Why show it? I'm not like you... like them I'm different i came from a different world. I'm imperfect this eye..." He stopped as if he couldn't say more... he couldn't yet i pushed on.

"Tell me about it... please." I whispered. His eyes grew large and he backed up his back hitting the wall, he sank down and i rushed to his side. "Raphael!" I cried i wrapped my arms around his neck as he regained his breath.

He laughed a dark laugh there was nothing funny in the way he stared at me his eyes boring through mine. "Nothing good comes from this eye love, nothing." He laughed again without humor.

Raphael was different that was sure, he seemed to know where i was at all the right times. When he looked at me it gave me chills up my spine, and yet... yet it scared me as well. He was no longer the voice in my head, i freed him of that trap and he was convinced we were meant to be. I couldnt be with anyone, not after how i treated Connor and he never told me anything i barely knew him and he said the woman who freed him from his prison would be his mate forever. I freed him but i wasnt ready to settle down, not now... maybe not even ever.

"If i have to wait forever to get your hand in marriage i will." He said wrapping his arms me and drawing me close.

"The fact that you still know what i'm thinking freaks me out." I responded glad his spell was over and he was ok.

"I still love you." He said on a serious note, i noticed his face was about an inch from mine and i had the sudden urge to kiss him. He stood up and i felt my heart crack a little as i watched him walk towards the door, he opened it up and Connor flew in with Sapphire on his heels.


All for now, if you read leave me a comment i'm tired game time!!!!! I WILL NEVER SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!